“A recent survey found that two-thirds of Americans think the nation has a civility problem.  The other third is so tired of hearing about it they want to hit someone.” –Jay Evenson in the Deseret News

Civility and simple good manners seem to have gone out the window these days.  It doesn’t seem to matter where you go either, rudeness is everywhere.

Lack of Imagination

Unfortunately the lack of imagination and a poor command of the English language has reduced so many to repeating the same offensive words over and over. For some reason they seem to think that it shows off their vocabulary, but it makes me laugh at their inflated opinion of themselves.  In my efforts to improve their vocabulary and mine I have collected several pages of Shakespearean insults and thought I would share some of my favorites with you.

All’s Well That Ends Well

Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

Hamlet

[Thou] appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.

Your bedded hair, like life in excrements, start up and stand on end.

Henry IV

If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases.

[Thou] sanguine coward, [thou] bed-presser, [thou] horseback-breaker, [thou] huge hill of flesh!

[Thou] villainous abominable misleader of youth!

Thou wouldst eat thy dead vomit up, And howl’st to find it.

Macbeth

Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!

[Thine] horrid image doth unfix my hair.

Pericles

Thou art the rudeliest welcome to this world.

Richard III

Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.

Romeo and Juliet

Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit.

Draw your neck out of your collar.

The Two Gentlemen of Verona

I throw thy name against the bruising stones.

The Merchant of Venice

[You] speak an infinite deal of nothing.

Timon of Athens

Were I like thee I’d throw away myself.

Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon!

Troilus and Cressida

Would the fountain of your mind were clear again, that I might water an ass at it.

Idol of idiot-worshippers!

[Thou hath] not so much brain as ear wax.

These are actually more fun to say that the profanity because people look so confused when they hear them.  For anyone who is interested in more Shakespearean insults you can go to this website: http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?