Two years ago I scared my daughters, Oldest and Youngest.  I had a urinary tract infection and was put on an antibiotic.  I remember taking it the first day or two, but then I only have flashes of memory over the next four or five days.  Here is what my daughters told me:

• I fell 3 times in less than 36 hours.
• I hit my head hard on the front door one of those times. Possible slight concussion.
• Youngest had to get me dressed after my shower because I had fallen and couldn’t stand up.
• The lights in my head were on, but no one was home.
• I complacently did everything I was told with no questions or arguments.  My daughters thought I was dying.
• I went to the emergency room at the hospital with nothing more than an “Okay”.
• I thought I was 20 years younger than I was.
• I dislodged my catheter multiple times.
• I made no harem jokes when my nursing staff was all cute men.
• I was oblivious when vomiting, normally I’d rather have a root canal without Novocain.
• I had multiple brain scans.
• They took most of my blood for testing.
• Oldest, Son-in-law, and Youngest rotated through my room so that I was never alone. 
• I slept most of the time.

After four days in the hospital, they gave Oldest the results of my testing.

• I had apparently had a minor stroke within the last year and didn’t notice.  Probably because of the constant vertigo, nausea, and inability to walk.
• I have two blood clots in my brain, behind my sinus.  Luckily the brain was already starting to surround them with tissue so they will not be moving.
• I have a lesion on my brain which is just a dark spot.
• I had developed “polycythemia vera” which is a gene mutation that causes your body to make excessive red blood cells.  A high red cell count makes blood thick like mud.  It is the thick blood that caused the stroke and blood clots. 

I was then allowed home because I was mostly coherent and getting grumpy. 

Oldest stayed with Youngest and I for a few days just to make sure I would be okay. There was much collusion and bossiness on their part. 

Where Were the Signs

During my slow recovery Oldest, Youngest and I began discussing why we had been unable to see any signs of the stroke.  As we talked, we discovered there were signs.  Unfortunately, they mimicked many of the symptoms of my migraine. 

My inability to concentrate had been a challenge for over a year at that point.  There were subtle differences that we noticed in hindsight.  Reading was difficult, but I had gone to audio books when I started having difficulty with the written word. 

I was missing almost half of my vocabulary and my train of thought kept getting derailed.  According to Youngest, I wasn’t even on the right platform to catch the train. Thoughts disappear if I am interrupted.  When I get tired there are knots in my string as I tried to string my thoughts into a complete sentence. 

Crochet was my go-to stress therapy.  It took so much focus and concentration that I finally just gave it up. It was too frustrating to be relaxing.

I did complain that my left thumb was still hurting. After about a month we went to see the doctor.  Apparently, I had broken it one of the times that I had fallen.  It was healing fine, but I had torn the tendon.  So, I was given a brace for my thumb to keep it immobilized until it finished healing. About six weeks.  I was my left hand, of course, since I am left handed.

The Road to Recovery

It has been a long and difficult recovery over the last two years.  I am always tired, and the ninja called confusion lingers on the fringes of my brain.  My once nimble brain drags itself around like a zombie if I get too tired.  Progress is slow but steady. 

For some unknown reason I can play the piano again after 15 years of not being able to.  My skills are rusty, but still there.  I can play all the songs I did before, just not as well.  Go figure?!

I have better access to my long-term memory, but apparently my short-term memory is still bad.  I just tell everyone I don’t have a memory problem.  No memory.  No problem.  On the bright side, I can still hide my own Easter eggs, and lose one. 

Non-family names have started fleeing my brain like rats on a sinking ship.  I remember faces and shared experiences, but names take a lot of effort and practice to remember.  I’m doing better all the time.

I can sew again.  It takes me three times longer to complete a project, but I’m still an excellent seamstress.  It’s about time.  I’m running out of clothes, and I have patterns and fabric I’ve been collecting for a new and updated wardrobe. 

New Hobbies

My daughters have strongly recommended I get new hobbies that do not involve my brain.  Ones that are safer.  Here are their suggestions:

• Bungee jumping       
• Lion taming       
• Sky Diving       

It Is Getting Crowded in My Head

So now I have ten different diagnosed things in my head.  Personally, I feel that there were too many before the last several moved in.  The most frustrating challenge is that many of them share symptoms, so how I am I supposed to know who to yell at.  It’s starting to sound like calling my kids as I start down the list trying to get the right one.

 In order of appearance:

Adventure Partner	Diagnosis
Bip, the grumpy black dragon	Bipolar Disorder type 2
The twins Ann and Nic	Serious Anxiety and Panic
Pots, the angry red dragon	Post Traumatic Stress
The McKay, Scottish warrior	Vestibular Migraine (No pain)
Claymore, sword used by McKay as he tries to slay the dragons	Very painful migraine
Virgil, the son of the McKay running around in circles	Vertigo
Captain, ship’s captain	Injured left eardrum causing me to list 16 degrees to the right
Leslie (who doesn’t do anything but decorate my brain)	Lesion
Storm, the ninja who sneaks around hides and disorganizes the contents of my brain	Stroke
Mind marbles	Blood clots

Nobody Wants My Brain

When I had five children under ten, I put my brain in a jar under my bed. I was worried I would lose my mind. 

About four or five years ago it climbed out of the jar and sneaked back into my head.  That is when all these new problems started. 

I figure if I can just take my brain out of my head and put it back into the jar the last six issues that have join the party in my brain can just leave.  Unfortunately, no one is willing to help me remove it.  They keep telling me I need it.

I don’t want it!

My niece is on a team that is mapping the brain, and she doesn’t want it either.

So now, I am stuck with it.

Good News!

Even with the party happening it my head, everything still works fairly well. I am mostly independent, though I need a driver most of the time. Oldest goes to all my doctor’s appointments with me now so that she knows what is going on and not what I remember (or am willing) to tell her.

So, don’t worry.  I’m never lonely.

It’s all in my head and that’s all right.

Thank You God

Without the support of my children and my faith in God I don’t think I could have gotten through all this. It has been one long nightmare and it is God’s strength and His peace that get me through each day. 

I’m not going to be the adventurous and energetic grandmother I wanted to be, even though I’m young. I won’t be 60 for a few years, but I’ll find new ways to get into trouble with my grandchildren. 

It is not how long you have lived, or what you have done that makes your life successful. It is who’s lives you have touched and made better. It is the smiles, laughter and memories you create with those around you. 

Don’t feel sorry for me. I am surrounded by family and friends. I have a rocking party in my head. But most of all, I have peace and joy in my heart.