This has been a bit of a difficult week for me. I’ve had to take my anxiety medication a couple of times (the first time in months) and it has left me somewhat peanutbutter brained. The lassitude that comes with this is almost dibilitating. I have refused to take any more for the last couple of days and now the withdrawal has begun. Thbbbbbt!!! (blowing raspberries)
I have, within the last month, had to accept the fact that I have become disabled by this stupid bipolar, post traumatic and anxiety. Any stress added to that and I just fold up. I have fought it for that last 30+ years of high school, marriage, divorce, 6 children, 3 grandchildren, working, college, aging parents, unemployment, poverty, bankruptcy and other life events. I am tired. I am done . . . . . for now. I am taking a step back from my life and deciding on a new direction.
First, I have applied for disability. I can’t work because nobody will hire me. Why? Because I have a doctor’s note stating that I must be able to stop working at any given time for an unknown period of time. Would you hire me? I wouldn’t. I have spoken to my doctor and my therapist, they agree that it is a good idea. I have filled out the paperwork and submitted it. I have 3-6 months before I know if I am accepted or denied. I may have to do this 3 or more times. So that’s what? About 9-18 months. That is not too helpful, but at least the process has been started.
Second, I have looked at owning my own business. I have started a couple, but I have no assets so no one will lend me any money. I am still working on them but I’m mostly in a holding pattern. Hmmmmm . . . . Also not helpful.
Third, I would like to share my story in the hopes of helping others. This is the reason that I have started this blog. I want to launch my wellness business, Fun Dynamic Possibilities, at the What a Woman Wants Expo in Sandy, UT on April 13-14.
Fourth, I have started a fund raising campaign at http://igg.me/p/68313?a=424408. I am hoping to raise enough money to cover my booth and materials costs at the expo. About $5,000.
Fifth, I have started studying social media. There are possibilities to earn some extra money doing this for local businesses.
What else can I do? Pray, rest and continue to take care of myself.
I hope that I have not totally depressed anyone. I have to laugh at myself because I sound so pathetic. I’m really only frustrated and morning the loss of a part of my life. I still have a young child at home to take care of and she is the joy of my life. I think I will declare tonight a movie night complete with popcorn and ice cream. It is also game night which means my brother and his wife will be coming over to play games. It’s going to be a great evening!
Tomorrow? I think I will sleep in and have cookies and milk for breakfast. LOL
Have a great weekend all! I know that I will.
MyOxisaMoron 
Yes, I am very tired. I spent the weekend resting and doing things that I enjoy. I finished crocheting a moose for my daughter and took a nice long nap. It was a little nippy, but I did go outside.
It is better to work for yourself. I’m not a very good employee. I work hard and make myself indespensible but I tend to tell management off when they do stupid things like cut our resources and increase our work load. My favorite: We are currently realigning our company goals and cannot aford to give you your merit raise but we expect you to do more with less. My response: Impovershing your employees will not get the results you are looking fore. Needless to say my last job and I parted company. LOL, sometimes people can be so short sighted.
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Mostly you are just tired. Wise idea to rest up and reshuffle. Some things take a bit of time. It sounds like you are already planning and moving – the direction will come as you get sorted ( Is that a Harry Potter sorting hat in the last picture? All I can say is try to smile and laugh everyday, get fresh air and exercise – and it’s better to work for yourself. Yea for you.
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You are not alone in your journey my friend. I realized as early now that life has so many pains intended for me. Somehow, my family and my God is the only thing that keeps me sane and going. You’re in my thoughts and prayers….I wish tomorrow will be a better day for all of us…
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Thank you. I know that I am not alone which is the reason I want to reach out to others. The weekend was better.
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