One Day at a Time


This has been a bit of a difficult week for me.  I’ve had to take my anxiety medication a couple of times (the first time in months) and it has left me somewhat peanutbutter brained.  The lassitude that comes with this is almost dibilitating.  I have refused to take any more for the last couple of days and now the withdrawal has begun.  Thbbbbbt!!!  (blowing raspberries)

I have, within the last month, had to accept the fact that I have become disabled by this stupid bipolar, post traumatic and anxiety.  Any stress added to that and I just fold up.  I have fought it for that last 30+ years of high school, marriage, divorce, 6 children, 3 grandchildren, working, college, aging parents, unemployment, poverty, bankruptcy and other life events.  I am tired.  I am done . . . . . for now.  I am taking a step back from my life and deciding on a new direction.

First, I have applied for disability.  I can’t work because nobody will hire me.  Why?  Because I have a doctor’s note stating that I must be able to stop working at any given time for an unknown period of time.  Would you hire me?  I wouldn’t.  I have spoken to my doctor and my therapist, they agree that it is a good idea.  I have filled out the paperwork and submitted it.  I have 3-6 months before I know if I am accepted or denied.  I may have to do this 3 or more times.  So that’s what?  About 9-18 months.  That is not too helpful, but at least the process has been started.

Second, I have looked at owning my own business.  I have started a couple, but I have no assets so no one will lend me any money.  I am still working on them but I’m mostly in a holding pattern.  Hmmmmm . . . .  Also not helpful.

Third, I would like to share my story in the hopes of helping others.  This is the reason that I have started this blog.  I want to launch my wellness business, Fun Dynamic Possibilities, at the What a Woman Wants Expo in Sandy, UT on April 13-14.

Fourth, I have started a fund raising campaign at http://igg.me/p/68313?a=424408.  I am hoping to raise enough money to cover my booth and materials costs at the expo.  About $5,000.

Fifth, I have started studying social media.  There are possibilities to earn some extra money doing this for local businesses.

What else can I do?  Pray, rest and continue to take care of myself.

I hope that I have not totally depressed anyone.  I have to laugh at myself because I sound so pathetic.  I’m really only frustrated and morning the loss of a part of my life.  I still have a young child at home to take care of and she is the joy of my life.  I think I will declare tonight a movie night complete with popcorn and ice cream.  It is also game night which means my brother and his wife will be coming over to play games.  It’s going to be a great evening!

Tomorrow?  I think I will sleep in and have cookies and milk for breakfast.  LOL

Have a great weekend all!  I know that I will.