Last Friday was an interesting day.  Not fun interesting.  Terrified interesting.

A Parent’s Greatest Fear

I sent my sweet 9-year-old daughter off to school as usual.  She leaves the house around 7:45 a.m. and walks thru our neighbors’ back yards and across the neighborhood park.  It is a 5- 10 minute walk that crosses no streets, she knows the families in every house she passes and they know her.  She walks with friends and there are 2 girls and a boy in their group.

About 10:30 a.m. I get the automated attendance call from the school telling me that my daughter was not in school.  My heart immediately skips a few beats and then starts trying to jump through my chest.  Thoughts start racing through my head.  All those terrifying “What if . . . . ” scenarios that are parents’ worst nightmares.

First thing to do is call the school and have them check for her.  I called the school and her class was out to recess or PE.  They were not in their classroom.  Someone will be sent to find my daughter and they will call me back.  It was the longest 15 minutes of my life.  She was safe and well in school.  I fell to my knees and thanked God that it was so.

A Simple Clerical Error

This has not happened to me before.  Usually when I get the absentee call my sweet baby is home with me or my mother.  What happened?  There are two girls in my daughter’s class with the same first name.  The wrong child had been marked absent.  A simple mistake, especially since their names are close together on the roll.

Needless to say, after that serious rush of terror and adrenaline, it took me quite a while to calm down.  I cried on my mother’s shoulder for about 10 minutes.  I was anxious and agitated for a several hours.  Once my sweet got home and I could wrap my arms around her I finally started to calm down.

PTSD Trigger

This really pushed all my panic buttons.  Both my ex-husbands had repeatedly threatened to take my children from me.  Then I lost custody of my older children due to exaggerated allegations and questionable legal proceedings.  My children were then abused and I was powerless to help them.  My youngest child’s sperm donor had threatened to kidnap her.  He also arranged his life so that it was possible for him to flee and disappear.

Crashing after a highly emotional situation is unavoidable and this time I crashed hard.  All of a sudden I was exhausted and couldn’t keep my eyes open.  My brain felt like it was stuffed with cotton and the headache and nausea started soon after.  It took a couple of days to process all that adrenaline and emotion.  I’m still tired and a little anxious today.

I know I have not been writing regularly and I apologize.  This defragging of my brain is really wreaking havoc with my emotions and in my life.  Of course Friday’s error did not help.  I won’t promise to write more regularly, but I will try to post at least once a week.