In Bip’s Shadow


Bip, my bipolar dragon, is being moody again.

IMG_2732

Bip Can Be Subtle

070I didn’t notice it at first because it was just little things here and there.  Things that could have easily been affected by my environment and schedule.

I’ve been busy with meetings, appointments, and speaking.  Not overly busy.  Not stressful busy.  Just consistently busy.

Feeling fatigued and unmotivated didn’t seem out of place.  It is just the natural biproduct of being busy.  For me at least.

It wasn’t until this morning when Bip whispered into my mind, “I just want to sleep, forever.”

All of a sudden, I knew.  It isn’t that I’ve been busy.  It’s Bip.

Bip Has Been Whispering

Bip constantly whispers all the negative thoughts I have ever had about myself.  Since I started taking Eleviv, I have been able to ignore most of it.  Why?  Because Eleviv quiets the noise in my head.

It’s not as loud, but it is still there.  The negative is more noticeable in the quiet.

Occasionally you will hear me say things to myself, out loud.

  • “Shut up!” I say this to Bip a lot. She usually does back off, but not very far.
  • “I am a singing telegram.” From the movie Clue.  It is silly and makes me chuckle, so it diverts my thinking to more positive avenues.

Seeing the Signs

073Looking back over the last few weeks, I can see the signs.  It is often like that.  Hindsight is always clearer.

Fatigue is something that is common for me.  It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to live with the Fearsome Foursome.

Lack of motivation is a bi-product of fatigue.  I just don’t have a lot of energy left to do a lot of things.  Needless to say, housework has gone undone.  I have also allowed Youngest to get away with not doing her chores.

I’ve been fighting the same headache for several weeks.  It never really goes away, it just becomes unnoticeable sometimes.  Sometimes it becomes a migraine.

Apathy.  I just don’t care.  Actually, I do care.  Just not enough to do anything I don’t want to.

What to Do Now

It is time to take action.  So, what do I do?

Prayer is my first line of defense.  Asking for strength and direction from God always makes it easier.  He knows what I need better than I do.

Realizing that it is Bip being a snot, my determination rears its beloved head.

Knowing what the problem is, I know what I need to do.  That is half the battle and I am winning.

Now I’m feeling angry, rebellious, and motivated.  I now care enough to get off my sorry behind and do something about it.

IMG_2768Today is cookie day and I have things I need to do the prepare.  I need to get dressed, make my bed, clean my kitchen, and vacuum the cat hair off my floor.

It is 12:10 p.m. and the teenagers will be here in about 2½ hours.  Time to get moving.

Will I feel better right away?  No, it is an uphill climb.  It is going to take several days.

 

 

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