It’s been 2 years since my father passed away and 18 months since we sold the house and moved. I’m still tired…. Some days I wonder if I will ever feel anything but tired. There is a time, however, when this becomes irrelevant.
Its Time to Start Moving
The time has come for me to start moving ahead with my life. I dedicated 35 years to my continuing education, my children, my grandmother, my parents and my extended family. Now life has actually done what I thought it would never do. It has quieted down. There is just me and my youngest child in our own home. Now what?
My Last Teen
I have always liked teenagers. They can be fun to be with and talk to. They can also be a royal pain. Either way I have always enjoyed hanging out with my own teens. With a 10 year gap between my two youngest children, its been a while since I’ve had a teen.
Daughter and I enjoy hanging out together even though she often tells me I am boring. When this happens I usually tell her to call a friend. On the other hand, she has no siblings at home so I need to interact with her more. We need to play games and read together.
There are really only a three things we argue about. The most frustrating is getting her up in the morning for school. This child, who used to be solar powered and got up at the crack of false dawn, now only gets up with much nagging and threats of being pull out of her bed by her feet.
Homework and chores are the other arguments of course. Though to be completely honest it is something I argue with myself about since I have my own responsibilities.
I keep reminding myself that Daughter is my last child at home and when she goes off to college I will be all by myself. This is not far in the future either. Come summer she gets her driver’s permit and I get to teach her to drive. Next year she gets to start dating. Before I know it she will be gone.
What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?
All I have every wanted to be is a mom. This may sound crazy in today’s world, but that is the truth of it. Now that most of my children are grown I have added a new title: Grandma. While Mom is a full time job, Grandma is not.
Because of my health issues (dragons and such) I am unable to work. This being said, I would like to improve my financial situation. Living on a fixed income doesn’t give me any extra money to do many of the things I would like to do. So now what….?
I crochet all the time since it is the best anxiety therapy for me. Taking this a step further, I have started writing crochet patterns. I opened a store on Etsy called Life Untangled and sell a few patterns here an there. I have gotten fabulous reviews on all my patterns but I don’t sell a lot of them.
I Have Decided to Write
My life has been one challenge after another. I have spent most of it in the almost total darkness of depression and anxiety. I have (with a lot of help) found my way through to the light on the other side of this darkness and want to help others do the same. So, I have decided to try writing down the things that I have learned on the way in the hopes that it can help at least one other person.
This is the reason that I started this blog, but I think I’d like to put it into a book. Any feedback on what I have already written would be appreciated. I would really like to know which posts you have felt to be most informative, uplifting and helpful.
Thank you for hanging out with me here.
Your words of darkness and depression speak to me because it is now two years since I had to leave my wilderness home and I still can not accept the fact that I will never return. So like you were I am stuck in neutral not really falling further back but also not moving forward. I knew there were other like myself out there but it is nice to see that some of ‘us’ have broken through and are moving forward…. best of luck on your new life’s road
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Hey Pete, I’m sorry that I have not responded before this. I have been wrapped up in my own challenges. There are many of “us” out there. Those of us who have made it to the other side have not done so without help. I write this blog because I want to reach out to others like myself and maybe help them make it to the other side. The more of us that reach out the more that will come thru to the light. I didn’t like the Dark Side.
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