I have been struggling with depression for the last couple of weeks.  I have been trying to convince myself that it would pass on its own, but I need to do something about it.

Possible Causes

Several things have happened that could have set this off.  On the surface they don’t seem to be a big deal, but apparently they are.

My therapist of over 15 years is retiring.  I’m happy for her and I think that she deserves it.  She really cares about her clients and works long hours to make sure that they get the care that they need.  She has seen me through some of the most difficult times and helped me to keep my perspective in some really horrible situations.  Over the years she has become more of a friend and confidant than anything else.  I’m really going to miss her and have to break in a new therapist.  The fearsome foursome are going to be lifelong residents and I am going to need someone to talk to when they get overly rambunctious.

Still in recovery.  Okay, so it has been over a year since my dad passed away and nine months since we moved into our small apartment.  I knew that I had really pushed beyond any emotional, physical and mental limits, but I hadn’t realized how far I had pushed myself.  I still can’t handle hardly any stress.  I get tired very easily.  The twins (anxiety and panic) are being obnoxious.  It will probably take another six to twelve months before my health stabilizes.

Life continues to happen.  While this is no surprise, it has been a little more than I can deal with.

• $1,100 in unexpected expenses which I am finally (after 6 months) caught up on.
• A twisted ankle that kept me down for about three weeks and on limited exercise for another three weeks.
• My mother’s health has not been good for the last several months.
• Daughter was not doing her school work and got so far behind that a “C” is about as good as she is going to get in a couple of her classes.  I had to be cruel and stand over her as she did homework for hours everyday.  There were lots of tears, tantrums and stress for both of us.
• Another daughter has had a migraine for about 18 months with no relief.  The cause was finally discovered, but it is going to take time and most likely surgery.

I Don’t Feel Well

Of course this is no surprise.  The twins are reeking havoc.  Leaving the house tends to cause me serious anxiety.  I fight panic when situational surprises come along.  I’m always tired and have started having esophageal spasms again.  I had a stress migraine that lasted over a week.  Food isn’t agreeing with me most of the time.  I have been sleeping 12-18 hours a day and don’t feel like doing anything. The depression has set in for real and I don’t like it.

Time To Get It Done

I could sit and wallow in this lethargy for months, but I have decided that I don’t want to.  There are things that need doing and fun that needs to be planned.  I have businesses that need tending.  I have grandchildren to spend time with and sleepovers to plan.  Summer is here and I have decided that I am going to enjoy it if it kills me.

Well…..I guess that would spoil the fun.  I know activity, exercise, fun and family will help dispel the depression so it is time to act.  Eleviv, dark chocolate and outside activities.  Summer begins in just two weeks so it is time to let my hair down and enjoy it.