Am I Being Lazy? Or Resting?

This is a question I ask myself a lot.  Where is the line between resting and being lazy?

Stress Is Exhausting

Cook on FireMy stress levels are high again.  <SIGH> How do I know?  Because eating makes me nauseous, I am constantly tired, I have vertigo and my chest hurts.  No, it is not a heart attack, I am having esophageal spasms.

My life seems to do that.  A lot.  Every time I think I have my stress levels in check . . . . SURPRISE!  Last time I went to see my therapist she was angry with some of the things happening in my life.  I am struggling to find balance right now and require quiet and less stress.

I live in a multi-generation home and it is a little overcrowded at the moment with extra people.  There is some extra drama and it is overly stressful for me.  My therapist recommended that some of the drama be removed elsewhere, but that is not really plausible.  She got very stern and told me that my response to any request above and beyond my basic activities is to be “NO!”  No helping at school.  No helping at church.  No community activities.  No throwing parties.

I am back on rest.

Rest Is Hard

Animal Family 1I don’t do well when I am required to sit and rest.  I get bored very quickly and feel the need to do something.  I have many projects that need to be done and they are things that I enjoy.  Crocheting, sewing, playing the piano and writing are encouraged because they fill my emotional bucket.  While I enjoy them and can lose track of time doing them, I feel selfish when I spend all my time doing them.  Even though I have written permission from my therapist to do them, I feel selfish.

When Does Rest Become Lazy?

This is the question I struggle with.  There are days when I am so tired I just sit and veg on my computer and watch TV.  There are days when all I want to do is nothing.  Sometimes I resent having to do anything.  Is this lazy?  Or is it just part of getting better?  I don’t know.

I am a recovering obsessive-compulsive, perfectionist, overachiever.   I am used to just doing whatever needs to be done.  I have always been able to just do it.  Now, I cannot.  Is that the difference?  Resting is because you cannot and lazy is because you do not.

Must ponder . . . .


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