Yeah!  Woot!  Hooray! 

I completed the brain defragging process this last week.  What now?  I’ve absolutely no clue.  I’m exhausted, tired, drained, brain-dead, etc.

Feeling Extremely Lazy

Inner peace and mental quiet are very new to me after so many years living with Bip, Pots and the twins.  I could happily sit and do almost nothing.  Almost in that I quickly get board and need something to do with my hands while my brain stares off into space.

I think it is going to take some time before I am ready to get back on the merry-go-round of life.  Anxiety is still an issue if I do too much.  I will also sleep, A LOT, after a busy day.  This is going to take some figuring out.

Energy Source

I have been angry, hurt and frustrated for a long time.  Most of that excess emotion was funnelled into positive outlets.  I used it for energy.  What is the best revenge?  Success.  So I used all that pent-up energy to function through many dark years.

I am no longer angry and frustrated.  I am, for the most part, at peace with myself and the world.  It feels great.  But now I have no energy.  Where do most people find their energy?  Excitement and successful endeavors only go so far.  This is going to take some figuring out.

What To Do

I know what I need to do.  I know what I would like to do.  The question is, what can I do?  My obsessive-compulsive, perfectionist, over-achieving tendencies say, “Whatever you want!”  Reality says, “Yeah, right.”

I’m still under orders to rest and take it slow.  The more I fail this subject the longer it is going to take.  I will have to “work” harder at resting.  Of course, that is how I failed it in the first place.  Maybe I will just have to see what comes and deal with life a little at a time.

This is definitely going to take some figuring out.