I completed the brain defragging process this last week. What now? I’ve absolutely no clue. I’m exhausted, tired, drained, brain-dead, etc.
Feeling Extremely Lazy
Inner peace and mental quiet are very new to me after so many years living with Bip, Pots and the twins. I could happily sit and do almost nothing. Almost in that I quickly get board and need something to do with my hands while my brain stares off into space.
I think it is going to take some time before I am ready to get back on the merry-go-round of life. Anxiety is still an issue if I do too much. I will also sleep, A LOT, after a busy day. This is going to take some figuring out.
I have been angry, hurt and frustrated for a long time. Most of that excess emotion was funnelled into positive outlets. I used it for energy. What is the best revenge? Success. So I used all that pent-up energy to function through many dark years.
I am no longer angry and frustrated. I am, for the most part, at peace with myself and the world. It feels great. But now I have no energy. Where do most people find their energy? Excitement and successful endeavors only go so far. This is going to take some figuring out.
What To Do
I know what I need to do. I know what I would like to do. The question is, what can I do? My obsessive-compulsive, perfectionist, over-achieving tendencies say, “Whatever you want!” Reality says, “Yeah, right.”
I’m still under orders to rest and take it slow. The more I fail this subject the longer it is going to take. I will have to “work” harder at resting. Of course, that is how I failed it in the first place. Maybe I will just have to see what comes and deal with life a little at a time.
This is definitely going to take some figuring out.