My personal dragon has been rearing her ugly head these last few weeks and I am losing control. Let me introduce you to my beastie. Her name is Bipolar, Bip for short.
Bip is every bit the evil dragon of myth and legend. She is an enormous and fickle creature. Black as the bowels of the earth Bip leaches all the light and joy from my very soul. Ravenous to the extreme she threatens to devour everything that is me. Every day is a life and death struggle for self-preservation.
A bit of an extreme description you might say, but that is as close as I can get to how it feels. When Bip gets loose she reeks havoc in my life and in the lives of those around me. I’m quickly losing any control I might have as stress weakens the chains of medication that bind her.
It has been two years since her last rampage and I am doing everything I can to keep this creature chained and quiet. I am on medication that normally keeps Bip calm and have found an herbal that keeps her quiet. I am using any and all skills that I have acquired through years of dealing with dragons. There is one thing that has gotten beyond my control and Bip is drunk with the power it gives her. What is this dragon elixir you ask? It is simply stress. Stress is a five letter word that comes in all sizes. There is little stresses and BIG stresses, short stresses and l-o-n-g stresses. There are stresses of every shape and size in between. Each stress, if not dealt with in a timely manner will weaken the chain that holds this legendary creature and feed the fire within it.
Right now I am teetering on the edge of the pit in which this creature lives. A pit filled with depression and hopelessness. It is a darkness that no light will penetrate. It is terrifying and fills me with a cold, heart stopping dread. With the help of my family, my doctor and my therapist, I am working to subdue Bip before she pulls me into her lair once again.
I have fallen into this pit several times in my life and each time it takes longer and more energy to climb out. Looking again at the depression, anxiety, panic and loneliness of Bip’s lair makes me wonder if I am strong enough to subdue her again. I know that these negative thoughts are whispered into my mind by this dragon as she tries one more time to make me hers. It would be so easy to just give up the fight and submit, but I have so loved being a healthy and happy me these past couple of years. I’m not willing to give that up without a fight.
The stress for me right now is unemployment, disability and the inability to earn an income to support myself and my youngest daughter. I was forced to quit my last job 18 months ago due to overwhelming stress that was threatening to put me in the hospital again. I decided to start a small business that would allow me to use the skills I have acquired to support my family and keep my stress levels low. It works great, except for one little hiccup. It takes so much energy to get all my little ducks lined up that as soon as they are I crash for a week to two months. This is not conducive to productivity since all my little ducks wander off during my absence. After doing this three or four times I have come to the conclusion that I need some help. I am applying for disability. Hopefully this will ease the financial stressors enough that I can subdue Bip and maybe put myself back together.
I know I’m not the only one who has a dragon or other horrible mythical beast living within. I’m off to feed mine chocolate but I would love to hear about yours.
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LOL Thank you. I know it will be okay as soon as I can eliminate the worst of my stress.
It is hard work, and it gets more difficult each time. I’ve had this dragon a long time though and I know her tricks which helps.
Dragons actually like going for a walk, in fact they love exercise of any kind. Flying is their favorite, but they are difficult to ride and very uncomfortable to sit on. They are a little easier to handle after exercise and fresh air though.
As for the ducks, the biggest problem is that they start to grow. As they get bigger I have to reorganize them. It happens. I just have to remember that ducks are fairly lazy birds and keep them content. I like the coloring part though. I will have to try that.
Humor is my biggest tool. I have learned to use the “ridiculous” spell from Harry Potter to make Bip less of a problem. Some of my favorite funny movies are Down Periscope, Arsenic and Old Lace, and Red.
The pit is dark and grim. Get sun. (check your thyroid levels) Walk. (dragons hate that). Think how cool it will be working for yourself – (you will have the most wonderful employee!). Threaten those ducks to wander back or they will become pastel colored Easter chicks (now that’s truly scary and the pits). Hey maybe demand that dragon stop draggin’ and start shouldering part of the load ( such loafers, those guys…you have to be firm). Put on silly musicals and sing along while dancing ( oxygen good). It is going to be OK, but it’s work. You can do it