I Had A Bad Night

I woke up this morning suffering the after affects of a serious panic attack.  I apparently had one while I slept.

First Signs

It started last night.  I hadn’t recognized the signs because it has been several years since I had a serious panic attack.

I went to make dinner and was attacked by gravity.  The room started to spin, and the floor wouldn’t stay under my feet.  Daughter made dinner while I sat down and put my feet up.

My brain started to wander without coherent thought.  I couldn’t focus enough to read, crochet, or have a conversation.

Sleepiness overwhelmed me.  I tried to fight it because a nap at 6 p.m. is not conducive to going to bed at a decent hour.  This only made me anxious.  I finally gave in and allowed myself to doze while listening to the TV.

Despite my fatigue and desperate need to close my eyes, I could not sleep.  I found myself wandering aimlessly through my apartment.  Since it is so small I wandered back and forth between my kitchen and family room.  About 15 feet in total distance.

I finally gave up and went to bed around 3 a.m.  I couldn’t sleep but, I couldn’t stay awake either.  I turned on some quiet music and just laid there in dazed semi-sleep.  I drifted off finally.

Time to Get Up

My alarm goes off at 7 a.m. to get Daughter off to school.  I crawled out of bed and almost fell on the floor.  I had a migraine complete with nausea, sound and light sensitivity, and dizziness.  I also was having tremors and had a huge muscle knot at the base of my skull.

I started my routine by waking daughter and feeding the cat.  After a trip to the bathroom and getting my meds for the day I realized that I couldn’t function.  I told Daughter she would have to make her own lunch and get herself off to school.

I stretched out in my recliner and listened as daughter got ready for school.  As I lay there I felt sad because I was missing our morning grousing and routine.  While I hated getting up, I loved the time spent with my child.

Daughter kissed me good-bye and told me to rest and feel better.  I passed out and slept.  It was a restless sleep.

Cause and Affect

After my nap, my head still really hurts though the migraine is gone.  I have pondered on why I feel so horrible.  Then I realized:

  • A migraine is a whiplash affect from having a panic attack.
  • The knot at the base of my skull is from tightening the muscles in my shoulders and pulling my shoulders up to my ears which I do during a panic attack.
  • Incoherent thoughts and brain fog is an after affect of a panic attack.
  • An overwhelming need to sleep come from the exhaustion of having a panic attack.

Conclusion:  I had a panic attack sometime while I slept.

It’s been Several Years

It has been a very long time since my last serious panic attack.  This is why I hadn’t recognized the signs preceding one.  I had also forgotten how bad it felt.

I don’t know what set this off.  Often there is no obvious reason.  It can be something as small as a smell or as big as an emotional confrontation.

Whatever set off this panic attack, it was apparently a doozy.  I’m glad I slept through it.

A Down Day

This happens every time I have a panic attack.  I’m down anywhere from a day to a week or more.  Do I have a choice?  No.  My body dictates and I just do what is necessary to feel better again.

Today I’m sleepy but, I can’t sleep.  I’m hungry but, I can’t eat.  My brain wanders but, there is no coherent thought.  I spend a lot of time staring at nothing in particular.

Sometimes I really hate my dragons.

I hope this post doesn’t ramble too much.  I’m having difficulty typing and can’t focus very well.

I’ll be back Monday.  Have a great weekend.

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