Dragons are not born full-grown. They incubate within the egg long before they hatch.

The Beginnings of Bipolar

It started so small and grew so slowly  that I did not even notice it was there.  Looking back I can see the beginning like a mysterious shadow that began to creep into my mind.  I remember thinking to myself, “I feel different, strange.”  I didn’t really know why or what had changed.  All I knew was that I did not feel as happy as I did before.  I was only ten years old.

I can see now, the little changes that began to take place.  At first it was just the mood swings which were attributed to hormonal changes of my prepubescent state.  My mother gave me “The Talk” hoping that some knowledge and understanding would help me.  It did . . . . And it didn’t.

The mood swings began to get worse and within a couple of years were out of my control.  There was the frustration and anger of being unable to control the roller coaster of emotions that assaulted me daily, hourly, and sometimes moment to moment.  There was fear as the darkness of depression and helplessness began to grow within me.   I was slowly losing control of my emotions and reactions.

One day I realized that something had taken over my head and the only safe place for me was my heart.  I carefully and gently gathered myself into the safety of my heart and closed the door as the bipolar began to take over.